The topic of plugged in parents was all the rage last week. Amusingly - not, depending on which side you are on – it coincided with a lot of tech news. We had the release date of iPhone 4, the new Leap Frog Explorer was officially revealed and websites everywhere have tech-gift ideas for dads since Father's Day is this coming Sunday.
Technology is all around us. Like the New York Times article that spawned all of the debate pointed out, we mostly focus on how technology affects the forming minds of our children. This article chose to focus on how parents' absorption in all things tech could be harmful to our kids.
As a person who was a tech-lover before I became a mom, my knee-jerk reaction to the piece was a slightly miffed and defensive one. The truth is that any hobby or interest that a parent undertakes can result in children feeling ignored. Even if the hobby isn't taken to the extreme, children are inherently selfish and focused on themselves. They're supposed to be! I know that I have been taking five minutes to read by myself in the bathroom only to find that one of my sons barges in and demands that I “pay attention to him.” Immediately.
On the other hand, after I read through the entire article, I tried to sit back and see how my kids might view my tech usage. My children have never had to bite me in order to gain my attention. I have asked them to wait five minutes until I finish an article and while they've sighed at me, I've made good on my promises. I've set time limits for myself during the day though I occasionally exceed them when a deadline is looming. I learned the hard way that the hours after their early afternoon nap through dinner and bedtime are best spent with them, not with the computer. I have been guilty of taking my smartphone with me to places like the park. On the other hand, I see moms with books, which I also have sometimes. I thought about all of the areas of our collective family life that technology either affects or interferes with and I came up with this conclusion: it's not always good and it's not always bad.
Ellen Galinsky from The Huffington Post put it best:
“Second, using social media is not good/bad. We tend to frame new issues as either/or--this is good or this is bad. Studies make it very clear that it isn't bad for children to see that their parents care about their work. And social media isn't bad or good either. We just need to figure out how we use it so that we can also ‘be with our kids.’ And we need to create social media for kids that help them learn positive skills--not violence.” (Source.)
It's not a black and white issue. Distractions have always existed. As we continue down the path to whatever the future holds, which is most likely something involving more technology, keeping these issues in mind while we make our parenting decisions is key. Finger-pointing and point-blank blaming of technology for all of our woes isn't the answer. Encouraging parents to be aware of their own personal distractions, from golf to knitting to running to technology to gardening to reading, will make us all better parents.
More over, technology isn't going away. Our children are going to need to know how to find a balance between their school, family, social and technology lives as well. If we can model a good example for them now, chances are they're going to have a better chance than if we shun it all together.
Of course, an article calling out tech-loving parents has the blogosphere talking. These parenting blogs discussed various points of view on the issue.
Perhaps the last thing that should be said about this topic, in addition to evaluating your own time, is to listen to your children.
What are your thoughts on the matter? Have you ever felt guilty for your tech usage? How do you find a balance?
Jenna Hatfield, aka @FireMom on twitter, also writes at Stop, Drop & Blog and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land. She works as a freelance writer and newspaper photographer.
Photo Credit: channah.